Save the other

She asked me tonight, Are we doing the right thing?

If I told her to wait,
to not take him in yet,
she would wait.

And keep him at home
until I told her it was time.
And lose herself a little each day
until she too, is.......
gone.

Are we doing the right thing?
Am I?

Telling her it's time.

Letting one go to save the other.

Shoes

Today we bought Velcro shoes
for my dad.

We put them on him and
felt for his toes and
if it was wide enough.

We asked him how they felt.
He answered
"this guy over here"
and pointed at shoe boxes.

We agreed with each other that we
thought the shoes fit
and seemed comfortable.
I guess we don't know for sure.

We did our best.
Bought shoes without laces.
Bought Velcro shoes for my dad.
Bought Velcro shoes for my mom's husband.

A minute

If
for one minute
one single minute
He was clear

What would he say to us?

Would he tell us we are doing a good job?
Would he want to say sorry for the bad days?
Would he tell us he is okay?
Would he hug us and smile?

Or

Would he tell us not to take him to the facility?
Would he tell us we are not doing enough?
Would he say we are not trying hard enough?


What would he say to us?
If he had one precious, single, minute?

Still wonder

We still wonder
If it's something else

We still hear something and look it up
Hoping
This is what it really is
And it has a cure

And he will wake from his fog
And thank us for not giving up
And with clear eyes
tell us about his fog
in past tense

We still wonder
If it's something else
If we can cure him
So he will wake up

We will always wonder
If

Anymore

We decided
Picked a time
Talked with the facility
Made appointments to file papers
Talked with the lawyer
Picked the place
We decided

When
He
Won't live here
At home
Anymore

Not knowing

He talks back to the tv
like it's real

He's upset by the voices
coming from nowhere

He curses at them
who are talking to him
from nowhere
from the tv

He stands in the living room
Looking at the ground
Not knowing it's the tv
Not knowing we are in the room
Not knowing

He turns
Walks down the hallway
Not knowing where he is going
Not knowing where he is
Not knowing